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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?